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What my clients say about traditional counselling and psychotherapy

It's pretty bewildering to know which therapist to choose. Wouldn't it be nice to have comparative reviews of counselling, psychotherapy, and hypnotherapy? While I can't offer exactly that, I do have the comments of the many clients who come to me who have had previous experience with other types of therapy. (See also: If you are looking for help in Bristol, what is the difference between counsellors, psychotherapists and hypnotherapists?)

I need to report what my clients tell me with great care. There are many excellent hypnotherapists, counsellors and psychotherapists of all persuasions who are hugely helpful to their clients. Clearly, I don't meet their clients, because those clients are happy with the results they achieved and, if necessary, they go back to the same therapist.

But I do see many clients who have been to other therapists previously. And over the years, what they say about the previous therapists has fallen into a very consistent pattern:

If people have been to a counsellor, they say

“I talked a lot and I understand where my problem comes from. But nothing changed.”

And they want to be reassured that my work will be different. (It certainly will.) Indeed this is one of the commonest questions people ask me: "Do I talk and you just listen? I did that before and nothing changed, will this be different?"

If the person has been to a CBT therapist, they say either:-

“The CBT was very helpful, it was very good at the time, but it didn't go deep enough”

or

“It was useless, it didn't go anywhere near deep enough.”

(See The myth of CBT - why cognitive-behavioural therapy isn't the "best" therapy and my overall critique of cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT))

If the person has been to a hypnotherapist, they say one of three things:

“If was very useful, but the hypnotherapist I went to retired / moved away so I've come to you instead.”

or, if the previous hypnotherapist practised mainly the therapist-talks, client-listens style termed "suggestion therapy":

“It didn't get to the heart of the problem.”

or they say

“I went to a hypnotherapist but I wasn't ready to change, and now I am.”

If they've been to a psychotherapist, people either say the same as for counsellors:

“I talked a lot and I understood where my problem came from, but nothing changed.”

or they say

“I've done three years of psychotherapy and I worked through my problem with my parents. I've dealt with that.”
- except if they dealt with it, why is the person so surprised that what they come to me with is obviously the same problem? I'm not saying core issue problems should not re-occur. They do, that's life. True core issues don't just vanish in one round of any kind of therapy. They are too engrained for that. Rather, you encounter the same problem again and again, but each time it is lighter, less serious, easier to deal with, easier to step out of. You may only need the help of a therapist the first time that you encounter it; after that you get out of it more and more easily on your own. (The quotation on this page from Sogal Rinpoche puts it beautifully.) So there is nothing whatever wrong with problems recurring. What I do find strange is when a psychotherapist leaves someone thinking that because they've "done psychotherapy", they've finished with their core issues once and for all, especially when there seems to have been little real deep change.

I repeat, I am not saying that this would be your experience with all such therapists. But the many clients who come to me after previous therapy consistently have this pattern of experience.

I'm also not saying that the previous work is wasted. It's certainly not. When someone has done previous psychotherapy or counselling, the current work goes quicker and deeper. But the previous work is often like a ship that goes on a journey, but doesn't actually make landfall at the other end.

In particular there seem to be many counsellors and psychotherapists who listen while the client talks, and listen, and listen, and the client talks, and talks, but real life does not change. Beyond doubt the commonest question that people ask me is “Do I just talk and you listen? Because I did that and nothing changed.” I reassure them that my work is an active process to change everyday life in real and significant ways.

If you would like to explore how that expanded way of working can help you, just give me a ring: the permanent number is 0845 3510604, currently the same as dialling 0117 955 0490. You can call any time at all; leave a message and I’ll get back to you.

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Life in five chapters

Chapter 1
I walk down the street
There is a big hole in the pavement
I fall in
I am lost........I am helpless
It isn't my fault
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the pavement
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again
I can't believe I am in the same place
But it isn't my fault
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the pavement
I see it is there
I fall in.......it is a habit.........but,
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the pavement
I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down a different street.

Sogyal Rinpoche

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