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Relationship and marriage counselling in Bristol, London and Taunton

What happens in a couples counselling session?

Below on this page: Is couples counselling right for me?

Few things in our lives have such potential for joy and fulfillment as our intimate relationships - and few things can cause so much unhappiness.

I offer relationship and marriage counselling sessions covering, flexibly as required, the important areas needed to help make relating more harmonious and joyful including emotions, communication, and sexuality. [Just to be clear: relationship work doesn't use hypnosis unless an individual issue requires that.]

Love starts as a wonderful ecstatic uplift. And ... then ... differences come. You start arguing about money or the children, or feel unsatisfied with sex, or nervous about commitment. And that easily spirals down into a black hole of hurt, blame, and recrimination.

Some couples avoid the differences, and keep things shallow. Others sink in the black hole and split up, perhaps unnecessarily.

For in fact, differences, pain, hurt and anger are not the enemies of love. They can be the very doorway to intimacy. Happy couples don't necessarily have fewer problems. What they do have is mastery of the skills and the understandings to deal with them.

Actually, the answer to relationship problems is always the same: always, love. But you don't start with love for the other person! - you start with love for yourself. The foundation is to love and trust and respect yourself.

What so often happens is that relationship difficulties hammer, like a dentist's probe on the nerve in a tooth, on an existing wound or hurt within us. Worse, we often don't even know that we have the wound or the hurt until our partner cheats or leaves or turns out to be, yet again, the wrong type. The answer is always to first re-connect with yourself, to affirm your own value, to take responsibility for your own emotions and to begin to heal your own wounds. Relationships work best when the man is willing to look inside himself and make changes, and the woman is willing to look inside herself and make changes. Commonly a big part of the work is to put an end to blaming, where the man only wants the woman to be different and the woman likewise thinks it is only the man who should change.

On the internet there is a large number of relationship coaches and couples therapists who imply that all marriages can be saved. This is good advertising but it is not true. I aim to offer "inspiration with honesty." The inspiration is that the spark of love really can be rekindled even when almost extinuguished; words that hurt can indeed change into words that heal, coldness and "don't touch me" can melt into affection and passion. The honesty is that sometimes relationships simply do end. People discover that the person they married it not who they imagined, or one person grows and the other doesn't, or both grow but in different directions. Even then, a painful breakup can be an opportunity for growth if someone takes the opportunity to heal their own wounds and not get lost in blame.

I work with singles or one partner or both. When I work with couples together, sometimes I suggest that one or both partners come for some individual work.

Don't wait for a crisis! With individual work, a crisis can actually be good, because then the person is open to really being different. But with relationships, it's better that one partner comes when things are "a bit iffy", than that both partners come when hurt has piled on top of hurt and things are heading towards divorce. I help you reconnect with love, trust, confidence, sexual pleasure, assertion, independence and joy.

I'll repeat - it's better not to wait for a crisis, To take the first step, give me a ring and leave a message (24 hours.) I'll call you back. 0845-3510604 / 0117-968-7307. I work with singles or with one or both partners in the marriage or relationship. I'm happy to answer questions or arrange, in Bristol or Taunton, a free, no-obligation half-hour introductory meeting.

Whole-person relationship and marriage counselling may be for you if:

You want relationship help either as a single person, one person in a relationship, or as a couple coming along together
You feel your relationship or marriage could be giving you more
You're unhappy that you're not in a relationship
You've been to Relate or other counselling but found that nothing changed
Your partner or yourself has had an affair and you need to recover trust in each other
Communication with your partner is breaking down, for example:
>> you're saying the same things over and over but getting nowhere;
>> you feel whatever you say will only make things worse;
>> anger flares easily;
>> there are super-sensitive hotspots you have to avoid at all costs;
>> you're starting to think "oh, what's the use" and giving up even trying.
After you talk, you feel confused and thrown and lose trust in what you feel.
You have a repeating pattern of relationship which you can't get free from - for example, problems with commitment or fear of intimacy
The marriage or relationship seems at risk of divorce against your hopes, and you need some help and support with your own options, confidence, and self-love
You feel your individual issues are getting in the way with your partner, or his/her are getting in the way with you
You have trouble expressing your needs and boundaries
You want clarity about one specific issue or conflict (work, money, children, sex, etc)
You need help in recovering from a painful breakup or a toxic relationship
Part of you wants to leave, part of you wants to stay
There are things you and your partner need to change or understand and you don't know how to do that

I work with singles or one partner or both. Even if one partner won't come, progress is still possible. Sometimes it's actually better to see each partner individually first. Either way, DON'T WAIT FOR THE CRISIS. Give me a ring today (0845-3510604 / 0117-968-7307) and explore what you can do. Leave a message, I'll call you back. I'm happy to answer questions or arrange, in Bristol or Taunton, a free, no-obligation half-hour introductory meeting.

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Love is the way messengers from the mystery tell us things.

Nisargadatta Maharaj

Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.

Gautam Buddha

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